It’s a great day to be alive
TGIF!
Anyone see the Prez do stand up the other night?
People in the audience:
“Haha! Why are we clapping?”
“Because the world is dying. Wooo!”
The internet <3's M.C. Rove
“It’s funny because he subjugates black people!”
“I know, riiiight? It’s, like, his job as a civil servant. LOL!”
Iraq = :’(
Hey, remember Hurricane Katrina? That was fucked up too. Right, Lil’ Wayne?
Eeeek! When did Lil’ Wayne become a poignant social commentator? Via underground mixtape, no less.
Lil’ Wayne is so Frank Rich right now. Also, he’s 6 months older than me. And the best rapper alive.
Best part of losing two Jaguars? Being 23 years old and having two Jaguars.
One can dream, can’t he? And spend way too much time on photoshop?
At least we finally know how to solve global warming.
John Travolta, in England promoting Wild Hogs:
“It [global warming] is a very valid issue, I’m wondering if we need to think about other planets and dome cities.”
Wait, you’re telling me he’s a Scientologist? He sure doesn’t sound like one.
To be fair, dome cities on alien planets does sound like an interesting idea…for a science fiction book…or maybe a movie…or maybe a science fiction book, turned into a faux religion, and then into a movie…starring John Travolta.
I wish Pulp Fiction never happened. Travolta should have been disco’s Richard Jeni. 15 years ago, he was all Look Who’s Talking Too and now he’s all I own five jets. FIVE!
Travolta, on a Sunday afternoon: “You know what, let’s take a different jet. This one doesn’t match my outfit.”
SRSLY, every1 shudd juss kill deyselvz.
Except Halle Barry. Did you know that shortly after divorcing baseball player David Justice, she almost CO2ed herself to death in her garage? But then, she was like,
“I was sitting in my car, and I knew the gas was coming when I had an image of my mother finding me. She sacrificed so much for her children, and to end my life would be an incredibly selfish thing to do.”
Halle Barry is selfless as fuuuuck. (Selfless means being convicted of a hit and run, right? Thought so.)
I wonder where David Justice is now. Wikipedia, what say you?
Currently, he serves as a game and studio analyst for the YES Network’s New York Yankees telecasts, and hosts the network’s Kids on Deck.
She has an Oscar and he hosts a kid’s show on the YES network. Got it. Wait, which one attempted suicide, again?
