Former Creed front man and Christian rock bad boy, Scott Stapp, was arrested yesterday on domestic assault charges at his home in Boca Raton, Florida.

Yikes! Look at those mean eyes. And the way his muscle T prominently shows off his tribal crucifix tattoo? Oh man, Stapp is a beast! I wouldn’t even think about messing with a dude like that. Domestic assault? Forget it. I bet he decimated his wife. I bet he caved her face in. I bet–

“No one was injured and no one was taken to the hospital,” a Sheriff’s Office spokesman.

Can you say “instant street cred”?

Here’s Scott Stapp meeting his cellmate:

“Hey, you’re that guy from Creed, aren’t you?”
“Yeah. Big frickin’ whoop.”
“What are you doing in prison, man?”
“A frickin’ domestic assault charge.”
“Oh, so you beat your wife?”
“Nope. Didn’t even come close.”

That’s his wife. You can tell she doesn’t regret a single decision she’s made in the last two years.

Stapp fact: Scott Stapp was arrested for public intoxication at the airport on the way to his honeymoon. Months later, that poor woman had his baby.

Imagine if this was your husband: 

I bet she called the cops yesterday because she just realized she had a baby with Scott Stapp. Not only is that a form of domestic assault in itself, it’s also at least two counts of manslaughter, because her life is over and so is their daughter’s.

Stapp Fact: Scott Stapp was featured on the Passion of the Christ soundtrack. He was also beaten up in a hotel lobby by the band 311.

Seriously, how do you get arrested in Boca Raton, Florida for almost-but-not-quite beating your wife? That’s so embarrassing.

You know who else lives in Boca Raton, Florida? My grandma, Mimi.

This is Mimi, next to her doppelganger, Carol Channing:

Granted, she is a bit frail, and usually has a ton of turquoise jewelry weighing her down, but I know for a fact that Mimi would land at least one solid punch before getting arrested for domestic assault. (Charges were eventually dropped.)

In conclusion, my Mimi could kick the shit out of Scott Stapp.

And…my sister looks like Raven Symone.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 21st, 2007 at 8:33 am and is filed under Drunk, Family, Other belief systems, The healing power of music, Violence. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.