Cheese heroin? Are you kidding me? I’m so glad that didn’t exist when I was a teen.
Drug Dealer: Hey kid, wanna buy some heroin for two dollars?
Teenage Me: Not really.
Drug Dealer: What if I told you it was cheese heroin?
Teenage Me: Ha! What is that? Like, cheese that gets you high?
Drug Dealer: Cheese that gets you super high.
Teenage Me: I’ll take ten, please. Thank you.
You know how kids get when they see balloons of cheese heroin.
Authorities hope to stop the fad before it spreads across the nation.
…Like delicious Philadelphia cream cheese.
…On a meth bagel.
That dude is great. His favorite band is The String Cheese Heroin.
(I could do this all day.)
“Cheese heroin” is a blend of so-called black tar Mexican heroin and crushed over-the-counter medications that contain the antihistamine diphenhydramine, found in products such as Tylenol PM.
First of all, who’s on black tar heroin and thinks to himself, “I could really go for some extra-groggy heroin right about now.”
Secondly, why wouldn’t you just call it Heroin PM?
Drug treatment centers in Dallas say teen “cheese” addicts are now as common as those seeking help for a marijuana addiction.
Drug Counselor: Can I help you?
Teenage Me: Hi. So, I have a problem with cheese and marijuana.
Drug Counselor: How long have you snorting on the cheese?
Teenage Me: No, that’s not it. My problem is…right after I smoke pot, I will literally eat anything coated in cheese dust. Chips, pretzels, candy bars. It’s disgusting. And then I get orange stains all over my clothes.
Drug Counselor: Uh huh…
Teenage Me: And I just wanted to know if you thought Oxy-Clean would work. Or do you recommend Shout wipes?
Drug Counselor: I don’t really know if I’m comfortable answering that question.
Teenage Me: Uhm, hello? I’m seeking your drug counsel over here.
Drug Counselor: That’s not really how it works.
stupid u now that right
Hah! What will they think of next.