First it was Cropstikas, now it’s GoogleEarthstikas!

The building is actually a U.S. Navy barracks built in the 1960’s. The military is currently spending over half a million dollars to “camouflage” the shape of the roof from above. When finished, it should end up looking something like this:

In the article, a Navy official said:

“You have to realize back in the ’60s we did not have the Internet.”

Correct. But there were swastikas back in the ’60s. And probably even things called “blueprints.”

So, I have this joke I sometimes tell where I say that Chamillionaire is my favorite rapper. This, of course, isn’t really true; I’ve only heard that one song of his (about filthy driving or whatever) and was not impressed. I say he’s my favorite because I really enjoy making fun of his name. Chamillionaire has to be the best (/worst) rap name ever. 

I still think he should call himself “Deepvoice Uglyface.”

(Sidenote: ”Lizard” is also the word rappers use for “lard.” As in: “You shouldn’t cook with lizard, son. That shit is full of lizzipids.”)

N*E*WAYZ!!! I was watching MTV this morning, which was playing music videos for some reason , and I happened to catch the new Chamillionaire video. I soon realized that the song features Slick Rick, who happens to actually be my favorite rapper. (Or, at least up there with Lil’ Wayne and Ghostface.) It was very exciting.

You may be asking, what happens when your pretend favorite rapper collaborates with your real favorite rapper?

(more…)

 This morning, the Internet asked me this question:

Uhm…I really, really hope not. Like, more than anything.

“Are you Dane Cook?”

I bet Dane Cook asks himself that question every morning in the mirror for at least half an hour. Trying his hardest to make it a bit.

“Are you Dane Cook? Are you? Are you? Are you Dane…COOK?! COOK!? ARE YOU DANE COOK?!”

Then he rips off his snap-pants.

Then he starts crying. 

You guys know what I’m talkin’ about! Who here doesn’t secretly enjoy a good, hard cry now and again? Right? One of those good, emphatic, early morning mirror-cries? I think mirror-cries are the best kind of cries because they are so relatable:

“Are you Dane Cook?”

That’s seriously the rudest thing I’ve ever been asked. (Note: I was asked to show ID for an R rated movie two weeks ago.)

Here’s a tip, Dane: Kill yourself.

(I’m probably the first person to say mean things about this guy.)

I just found this on google. Some guy made a Dane Cook Monopoly board.

I created this Monopoly board in Photoshop as a gift for comedian Dane Cook. Each property is one of Dane Cook’s jokes.

…and each one of Dane Cook’s jokes is property of Louis C.K.

Here are some of the cards from the Dane Cook Monopoly set:

I just made this game as a gift to Dane Cook:

It’s just like original “Sorry!,” except before every turn, Dane Cook has to apologize for everything he’s ever done (without yelling).

I could do this all day, but I need to stop because I can feel my bald spot growing.

Cropstikas!

OMG. Racist corn is so scary.

Seriously, there are only two possible explanations for this. Either New Jersey is being visited by Jew-hating aliens, or Mel Gibson is directing Signs 2.

Just when I was ready to pack my Myspace up and devote myself fully to Facebook, this happens… 

Today I got friend request on Myspace from a guy named Marc in Miami. He also sent a message that read simply:

“I just started a new web site called www.getshaded.com. check it out.”

“What?” I asked myself. “Who is Marc?”

So, I checked out his profile.

A finger designer interested in meeting no one? What? 

Unsatisfied, I delved further into Marc’s myspace to see if I could learn more about him, beyond his finger designing for guys and girls.

What I discovered was so much more/less than I could have ever dreamed…

(more…)

Evolution? Really, RG? Good call on that one. Because gun nuts love science terms.

Here’s a transcript of his speech:

“Good morning, NRA. Thank you for inviting me today. I believe guns came from monkeys. 9-11, 9-11, 9-11. Vote for me. (fart noise)”

He didn’t actually say that. But…sort of.

Here’s a picture of Aretha Franklin, showing off her new line of perfume, “Bar-B-Que Sauce.”

BOOM!!! 

R-E-S-PWNED!!!

(I should write for the Jay Leno program.)

Last week, Max Silvestri and I made a viral video spoofing the important VH1 reality show The Pick Up Artist. Needless to say, the youtube was a sensation that swept the internet like a monsoon of chocolate rain yelling “Leave Britney alone!!!”

Anyway, the effect of our video was more powerful than even Max and I could have imagined (which is crazy, because we both imagined the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences creating the category “Best YouTube” just so they could give us an Oscar for our work).

Anyway anyway, you should seriously go to Max’s blog immediately to check out the email that PUA contestant Joe D* wrote to us regarding the video. It’s pretty much the best non-Maury Povich thing to ever happen to me.

* = a.k.a. “The Glamorous Pig,” as my GF lovingly refers to him.

…for loving the new Nickelback video.

There’s nothing to write.

My feelings about the “Rockstar” video can only be expressed in the form of a venn diagram:

(click to enlarge, dummy)

ADDENDUM #1: Bam Margera should be included in ”Terrible.”
ADDENDUM #2: Not eating is a major component to becoming a rock star.

158 Ludlow at Stanton
FREE