This morning, the Internet asked me this question:

Uhm…I really, really hope not. Like, more than anything.

“Are you Dane Cook?”

I bet Dane Cook asks himself that question every morning in the mirror for at least half an hour. Trying his hardest to make it a bit.

“Are you Dane Cook? Are you? Are you? Are you Dane…COOK?! COOK!? ARE YOU DANE COOK?!”

Then he rips off his snap-pants.

Then he starts crying. 

You guys know what I’m talkin’ about! Who here doesn’t secretly enjoy a good, hard cry now and again? Right? One of those good, emphatic, early morning mirror-cries? I think mirror-cries are the best kind of cries because they are so relatable:

“Are you Dane Cook?”

That’s seriously the rudest thing I’ve ever been asked. (Note: I was asked to show ID for an R rated movie two weeks ago.)

Here’s a tip, Dane: Kill yourself.

(I’m probably the first person to say mean things about this guy.)

I just found this on google. Some guy made a Dane Cook Monopoly board.

I created this Monopoly board in Photoshop as a gift for comedian Dane Cook. Each property is one of Dane Cook’s jokes.

…and each one of Dane Cook’s jokes is property of Louis C.K.

Here are some of the cards from the Dane Cook Monopoly set:

I just made this game as a gift to Dane Cook:

It’s just like original “Sorry!,” except before every turn, Dane Cook has to apologize for everything he’s ever done (without yelling).

I could do this all day, but I need to stop because I can feel my bald spot growing.