Rififi: 332 E. 11th St
8pm, $5

158 Ludlow St.
8pm. FREE.

254 W. 29th St
$5, 11pm

Comix Basement
353 W 14th @ 9th Ave

307 W 26th St.
8pm, $5

THE NIGHT OF TOO MANY HOSTS!!! Leo Allen, Tony Camin, and Jawnee Conroy welcome Dave Hill, Carl Anheiter, Andrea Rosen, Shonali Bhowmik, Chelsea Peretti, Joe Mande, Noah Garfinkel, Brett Gelman, and Justin Purnell

If you pick up the newest issue of Heeb Magazine, you will see my name included in “The Heeb 100,” their annual list of 100 Jews to watch. (That’s in the entire diaspora, son.)

Hey, world! Get ready to watch this Jew!!!

Being on the Heeb 100 is an honor. In fact, it’s pretty much the second best list a Jew could ever hope to be on. (The first best.)

Heeb100.com has the entire list, including little Jewy bios of everyone. Be sure to see my friends Jenny, Josh, Brett, and Seth as well. Oh, and DJ AM, obvz.

I’m back from my vacation, people! I think I got tan and fat. Also, I’m happy to report that my stress-induced bald spot has started to grown back in! So, now it just looks like I have ringworm on my head!

Come to the show tonight and see for yourself!

TOTALLY JK with Joe and Noah
TONIGHT!
Rififi: 332 E. 11th Street
8pm/$5/21+

with…
Hannibal
Dan Cartwright
Claudia Cogan
John Kneffel
and the music of Jim Hanft

Dear Mom and Dad,

I’m doing a show tonight in the city where lawyers get fired for having A.I.D.S. of brotherly love. Since that’s where you live, I’m sure I’ll see you there. Please sit as far in the back as possible. Thank you.

Love,
Joe

Here is all the information:

(Still)Born in the USA Comedy Tour
Tuesday, October 9th, 2007
Philadelphia, PA
The Khyber Bar: 56 S. Second Street 
8 PM - $8

with: Jonah Ray (Human Giant and The Sarah Silverman Program)
Sean O’Connor
Nick Maritato
Andrew Wright
Chris McDevitt
w/ guests
Your son: Joe Mande, His friend who came to Passover: Noah Garfinkel, Kent Haines, Jimmie Allinder and Wrestling Team

Did you read/hear/barf about the French woman who received the world’s first partial face transplant? Seriously. A face transplant.

Basically, what happened was this French woman was sleeping when, all of the sudden, she woke up and discovered her dog had eaten most of her face/off. Doctors quickly replaced her face with Nicolas Cage’s face. She was then sent to giant magnetic prison in the middle of the ocean.

This is what The Guardian says happened:

After a bad week, the seamstress had taken a large dose of sleeping pills “to forget”.

Wait, stop right there. To forget? This is already an amazing story.

Reporter: So, how’d you lose your face?
No-face Lady: Well, it all started when I took a large dose of sleeping pills.
Reporter: And what was your reason for taking such a large dose of sleeping pills? 
No-face Lady: Oh, you know. “To forget.”

I could seriously walk away from this story right here and be totally satisfied. But, no. The story only gets better (not better).

She woke on her sofa and tried to light a cigarette, and then noticed blood and the presence of her dog beside her. Looking in the mirror, she discovered her terrible injuries. 

AAAAAAAAHHHH! She didn’t know she didn’t have a face until she tried to light a cigarette? What clued her in exactly? The not having lips part? Jesus. I bet she hates that dog.

She said she had “no hatred” for her labrador-cross Tanya, who she felt had been trying to save her.

Correct. I just looked up the word “save” in a dog dictionary:

save: /seɪv/
–verb (used with object)

1.to rescue from danger or possible harm, injury, or loss
2. to keep safe, intact, or unhurt
3. to rip off and eat a human’s face
4. to avoid the spending, consumption, or waste of bones

Anyway, she got a donor face and the rest is medical history:

BTW, the donor face came from a woman who killed herself. So…therefore…I can’t handle reading science news anymore.

All things considered, you have to admit she looks great (”great” means “permanently photoshopped,” right?). Although, I think it was pretty rude of the surgeons to graft a voice bubble like that, dontchya think? (JK, you guys! I did that part myself! [COMEDY!])

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Noah and I are coming to Boston tomorrow to participate in a Vice Magazine/Dewar’s Scotch Debate. The topic will be ”Meat vs. Veggie.” It should be really fun. We will be very hip and very drunk. So, if you live in Massachusetts and love me and/or Noah, and/or fake debates, and/or free comedy, and/or free booze, you should come check it out.

A poster:

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