For the past few months, I’ve been getting free issues of Complex Magazine in the mail. I have no idea why or how they started showing up, but I know for a fact I’m not paying for them. So weird. The first time it came, I actually tried reading it while I was on the toilet. But I had to stop because it made me so stupid I forgot how to poop. Since then, I’ve promptly thrown the magazine in the garbage as soon as I took it out of my mailbox. The end.

…or is it?

When I got the December/January issue yesterday, something about the cover story intrigued me…

Hmmm…let’s see…is Lil’ Wayne crazy? I don’t know. But, considering your pull quote is “I’m a Martian, and if you understand me then you’re Jesus Christ,” I’m going to go ahead and say YES. Yes, Lil Wayne is crazy.

Want more proof? Read the following quotes from Lil’ Wayne’s retarded extensive interview with Complex Magazine (note: they’re unbelievable):

“A lot of people’ll tell you the bright light’s at the end of the road; why the fuck is it that bright if it’s at the end of the road? I don’t know where the fuck it’s at. I’m trying to find it, and when I find it, I had brought me like three more light bulbs and some, like, lifetime light bulbs.”

Lil Wayne’s tour bus has an emergency light bulb kit consisting of exactly three incandescent light bulbs and a much larger supply of lifetime light bulbs, which are more energy efficient.

“You’re supposed to be able to do anything in this world. That’s what Martin Luther King told me. He ain’t never put a specific on what to do. He said you could do anything. ‘Kill’ falls under that.”

Nailed it! (Lil’ Wayne clearly took African American History in high school.) I think Lil Wayne thinks Martin Luther King is Tony Robbins. Gulp.

“[My only competition is] time. Me and that nigga [the concept of time] got a serious problem against each other.”

The new East Coast/West Coast feud might be the escalating tension between the South Coast and the Fourth Dimension.

“Get a real bad stomachache and go see a real doctor, he be like, ‘Nigga, that’s a pill bottle of weed!’”

Dear Lil’ Wayne,

Who is your doctor? Can you refer me, please?

Sincerely yours,

Joe

“You ever notice when you have a very stuffy nose or you have a cold and you eat something, you don’t taste nothing, you be like, ‘I can’t eat nothing, I can’t taste it, I’m hungry,’ that’s because you don’t actually taste nothing, you know what I mean? You are you, you make everything around you. You make water, you make the sky, because it’s you, if you don’t want that to be water then it ain’t water, fuck. It’s you, so…ya dig?”

Yes. I dig. Completely.

“Oscar De La Hoya, Tom from MySpace and Bill Gates. I just wanna smoke three blunts with them. Just three. Just three blunts. I bet you I’ll come back high. Whoo, them niggas are beast.”

Oh, that’s a fun game! If I could, I would smoke three blunts with Abraham Lincoln, Orson Welles, and…Lil Wayne. Just three. Just three blunts.

“I fuck with Mark Cuban heavy. I love a nigga who do what the fuck he want, just like I told you, Martin Luther King said we can do what the fuck we want, he do what the fuck he want. Him and Bam Margera. What will Bam do next? Whatever the fuck they want…that’s one of my favorite shows.”

That’s true. Bam Margera does whatever the fuck they want. That’s just how they roll. They, of course, being Bam Margera, collectively.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 6th, 2007 at 2:00 pm and is filed under Aliens, Drugs, Friend crush, History, Million$, Poop, Racism?, Sex Weed, Stop Snitchin', The Future, The healing power of music. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.