If you don’t mind, I’d like to quickly go back to last week’s “Is Lil Wayne crazy?” debate, because more evidence has come to life (in the affirmative). If for some reason you weren’t satisfyingly convinced the first time around, I would like to submit this for your consideration. Apparently, Lil Wayne is collaborating with Zac Efron on the next High School Musical CD. Lil Wayne. Zac Efron. Disney’s High School Musical.

I highly recommend reading the entire article. But, for those of you who don’t want to read another entire Lil Wayne interview, how about I just turn it into an original one-act play? (Note: All things in BOLD are taken directly out of the interview.)

“Zac n’ Weezy: A Love Story”
By Joe Mande

Curtains open.

Lil Wayne sits upon a golden toilet, in a large, Scarface-inspired restroom, admiring the prominent nude sculpture of himself across the room. He lifts his pants up and walks towards the sink. A tuxedo-clad bathroom attendant flushes the toilet and scampers back just in time to pump soap in to outstretched hands of Lil Wayne.

LIL WAYNE: You like that sculpture over there?

ATTENDANT: Why, yes I do. What is it, exactly? A Jamaican gremlin?

LIL WAYNE: It’s a sculpture of me you penguin-lookin’ mothafucka.

ATTENDANT: My deepest apologies. I should have known. Would you like some Juicy Fruit gum, sir?

LIL WAYNE: That’s what I pay you for, you stupid ass bitch!

ATTENDANT: Ah, yes indeed. Here you are.

Lil Wayne opens his mouth, taking his Juicy Fruit like a communion wafer.

LIL WAYNE: Nice tuxedo. Suck my dick, penguin. No homo.

Lil Wayne makes his way to the recording studio, where he begins rolling a joint the size of an infant’s arm.

LIL WAYNE: I’m so glad I started making music for white people.

Zac Efron enters, gliding into the room on Heelys.

ZAC EFRON: What’s up my nigga?

Lil Wayne gets up and kisses Zac Efron on the mouth

LIL WAYNE: What’s crackin’, my brother from another mother?

ZAC EFRON: Brother from another mother? You said the same exact thing in San Fransisco, when you followed me into the bathroom at that comic book convention after party.

LIL WAYNE: Yo! You look cute, dawg. Hows about we go record more songs for this High School Musical bullshit.

ZAC EFRON: Sounds dope to me!

Zach Efron enters the booth and puts the headphones on. He begins singing, but Lil Wayne quickly cuts him off.

LIL WAYNE: The acoustics ain’t right. Take your pants off.

ZAC EFRON: If you say so, Weezy.

Zac Efron takes his pants off.

ZAC EFRON (singing): Everybody, all for one! A real summer has just begun! Let’s rock and roll and just let go! Feel the rhythm of the drums! We’re gonna have fun in the sun!

Lil Wayne enters the booth, naked and erect. He begins rapping.

LIL WAYNE (rapping): I’m a dog, you’re all a bunch of fleas on my dick. Driving a Jag, er, like my name was Mick. I’m so sour like cream with chives, and my sperm will make your face break out in hives.

A white screen descends upon the stage. Lil Wayne and Zac Efron make passionate gay love, their shadows projecting onto the screen like Chinese shadow theater. Lights down.

Lights up. The white screen is lifted. We find Lil Wayne and Zac Efron cuddling under a mink coat adorned with patches of all 30 NBA teams.

ZAC EFRON: Man, that was fun. Do you have anything else you’re working on.

LIL WAYNE: Oh, you know, I just did songs with Mannheim Steamroller, something for the new Raffi album, and 16 bars in Spanish on Ricky Martin’s new one.

ZAC EFRON: Wow. Don’t you ever get tired of your schedule?

LIL WAYNE: Hell, no! This is how I live! I get up in the morning, get my dick sucked four times, drink a Molson’s, and then hang out with you, Zac Efron.

ZAC EFRON: Word.

Curtains close. THE END.