A lot of people are criticizing Hillary Clinton’s newest campaign advertisement, saying she’s using a cheap and desperate scare tactic to garner the last-minute votes of undecided stupid people. Frankly, I disagree. I think it’s her best and most truthful ad to date.

She’s the worst.

Last night was the last Invite Them Up ever. Rififi was packed like I’d never seen it before. The crowd spilled out into the bar and then that crowd spilled out into the street. It really did feel like a Great White concert was about to go down, as Leo Allen noted.

Invite Them Up was my favorite (and thus the best) comedy show in New York City. I’m definitely going to miss it. One of the first things I got to do when I moved to New York was “30 seconds of stand up” at Invite Them Up. That was the portion of the show when host Bobby Tisdale would get everyone to chant a “30 seconds” song, a comedian would perform 30 seconds of stand up, and then everyone would chant the song again. That was it. Yet, despite how retarded it was, I was fucking terrified the first time Bobby asked me to do it. I was seriously more nervous for those 30 seconds than at any other point in my long and storied comedy career.

Anyway, as one would expect, the last 30 seconds of stand up of all time was great. Craig Baldo and DJ Blue turned Bobby’s chant into an amazing hiphop/samba/techno song. And as it played, more and more people were jumping on stage to dance. By the end, it looked like some sort of East Village Senor Frogs up in that piece.

Here’s the song:

Also, just so everyone knows, Rififi isn’t closing…yet. So you should still all come to Totally JK every week until it does.

Get it? Because those people love rice!

(Thanks Noah!)

I was reading the news this morning, because I enjoy stories of black men beating white women (especially when the white woman deserves it). There’s an article on ABCnews.com that describes just how desperate and pathetic the Hillary Clinton campaign has become.

“For Hillary Clinton in particular, this week is do or die…Camp Clinton is hoping for a swing in the pendulum of media sympathy and scrutiny — and they hope every reporter in the country saw the opening skit in the return of Saturday Night Live.”

Really? Why doesn’t she ask all the reporters in the country to water-board themselves while they’re at it? Because, yikes, that shit was terrrrrible.

The best part of the article though, had to be its accompanying picture, seen here:

It’s Hillary the Hillariveter! That is so Hillarelevant! Good job, Clinton fans. Nothing attracts the youth vote more than photoshopping your candidate’s face onto WWII propaganda. Idiots. Y’all just got PLIPP’d.

I mean, if you’re going to do it, fucking do it. Here are some posters I made for the Hillary campaign:

(more…)

This morning I got an email from one of my best friends, David, bassist of the band Via Audio. This is what it said:

“Joe- You look and act exactly like this gay kid on Project Runway,
Christian Siriano. Google that dude, you will poop…i like to get stoned and pretend the guy is you.”

Oh, in case you don’t know who Christian Siriano is, here’s a 10 minute youtube of his “fiercest” moments:

(For the record: I did not edit that video.)

Correct. I do look and act exactly like that guy. 100% (Also, using the description “that gay kid on Project Runway” is like saying “that small burrowing mammal on Meerkat Manor“.) Worst thing about that story is that David isn’t even the first person to tell me that. Nor the tenth. That was either the twelfth or thirteenth email I’ve received in the last three months notifying me of my “gay twin.”

Personally, I don’t see the resemblance at all. Some people tell me that the reason I don’t see the resemblance is because I choose not to see it. And that is entirely true. I choose not to see it. Because it’s kind of an insulting thing to tell to someone straight. I mean, I think John C. Reilly looks and acts just like Richard Simmons, but that’s totally different. Wait, no it’s not.

Friend: Oh my god, Joe, do you watch Project Runway? Because your looks and behaviors are eerily similar to those of this contestant named Christian, who is radioactively homosexual.
Me: Shut up. That’s not true at all. Shut up.
Friend: What’s wrong? Did I offend you just now?
Me: Yeah, kind of. A little bit.
Friend: How could you possibly be offended that you remind me of someone who acts like an evil gay villain on Batman: The Animated Series, terrorizing Gotham City with snide comments, fabulous hair, and witch doctor fabric shears?
Me: I don’t know. I guess I’m a little sensitive.
Friend: So is Christian Siriano! See what I mean?
Me: Stop it.

So in conclusion, what I’m saying is this: Even if you’re thinking it, just don’t tell me that I look like Christian Siriano. Please. Also, you should come see David’s band play this Sunday night at Totally JK. They are very very good.

When I was a kid, I would sometimes try to watch The McLaughlin Group. I could never watch it for more than one or two minutes because it just seemed like a bunch of old people arguing about things I didn’t understand. Now that I’m an adult, however, I feel blessed that John McLaughlin is still alive somehow. I watch his show every Sunday morning with an entirely new perspective. For me, The McLaughlin Group is now like a weekly lesson on the importance of educated public discourse. Straight from the horse’s mouth! Right before the horse is turned into glue.

Here’s last week’s entire episode, condensed into 2 minutes.

That took a lot less editing than you think.

I love that The McLaughlin Group is exactly as it was 20 years ago. Nothing has changed. Everything is exactly the same. Except, at some point, the set was moved to its current location: the nursing home at the Church of the Wrong Grail.

Come to Rififi this Monday night for a very special President’s Day edition of Totally J/K with Joe and Noah. We have a wonderful and patriotic line-up scheduled: Flight of the Conchords‘ Eugene Mirman; The King of Miami, Dave Hill; Best Week Ever’s Michelle Collins; and Home Movie’s Larry Murphy. This show is going to be amazing. It’ll make you want to laugh, chop down a cherry tree, free the slaves, and grant controversial pardons.

Also, any early consideration for the 2008 ECNY award for outstanding achievement in postcard or flyer design?

I just read that yesterday, for Valentine’s Day, a man proposed marriage to a woman by using an LOLcat. I also read that when the North Pole melts, everyone will drown and we’ll all deserve it.

Apparently, she said yes. But, to be fair, the woman does look like this.

Pete Holmes thought of this. He’s funnier than me.

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