So, this is weird. Apparently my website comes up when you google the words “My life is over.” I know this because a blog post I wrote over a year ago about buying a Nintendo Wii, a post entitled “My life is over,” has recently started getting a number of angry comments…from suicidal people.
Obviously, this is great. It means someone was on google, typed in the words “my life is over,” and then clicked on the “I’m feeling lucky” button. That’s amazing. That’s like a battered wife yelling “hit me!” at a blackjack table when the dealer is her husband. (Or something.)
I should make that my business card.
My fave comment so far, from an author named “Anonymous”:
I have genuinely been feeling suicidal, googled ‘my life is over’ and came up with this. It didnt really help but it didnt make it worse either. Help.
You had me at “help.”
Actually, I think I can help. If you’re suicidal that means you’re sad. And if you’re sad, that means your Latina girlfriend hates you for being shitty at snake charming.
If that’s the case, might I suggest some ErectoMax?
Sorry, I don’t speak Spanish. What’s the difference between ErectoMax and SexoMax? Is the cock ring included? Was that even a cock ring? What if my snake charming is fine, but I suck at juggling knives? And why is that guy’s flute also a maraca? So many questions!
