So, I have this joke I sometimes tell where I say that Chamillionaire is my favorite rapper. This, of course, isn’t really true; I’ve only heard that one song of his (about filthy driving or whatever) and was not impressed. I say he’s my favorite because I really enjoy making fun of his name. Chamillionaire has to be the best (/worst) rap name ever. 

I still think he should call himself “Deepvoice Uglyface.”

(Sidenote: ”Lizard” is also the word rappers use for “lard.” As in: “You shouldn’t cook with lizard, son. That shit is full of lizzipids.”)

N*E*WAYZ!!! I was watching MTV this morning, which was playing music videos for some reason , and I happened to catch the new Chamillionaire video. I soon realized that the song features Slick Rick, who happens to actually be my favorite rapper. (Or, at least up there with Lil’ Wayne and Ghostface.) It was very exciting.

You may be asking, what happens when your pretend favorite rapper collaborates with your real favorite rapper?

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Finally, we found out the answer to the question America’s been dying to know: Who impregnated that illiterate drug-addicted skank before she fatally overdosed on a thousand different kinds of painkillers?

And the winner is…THIS GUY!

JACKPOT!

Science is 99.99999% positive that Larry Birkhead, above, was the one who fucked a clinically sad, borderline retarded human being without a condom.

P-I-M-P. ($20 says she wasn’t even awake for it.)

Yesterday’s press conference–
Larry Birkhead: “WOOooOOoooOO! I’m going to Disneyworld!!!”
Reporter: “Is that the first place you plan on taking your daughter?”
Larry Birkhead: “Daughter?”

I’m just glad this guy wasn’t the father:

Because then this story would be sad.

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