Tonight Noah Garfinkel and I bring you a very special show. Not only are we planning on bringing our A-games, but we have incredible guests as well.

The very tall and wonderful Gary Gulman will be stopping by. (HBO, Last Comic Standing)

Recently crowned “the next Sarah Silverman,” the one and only Chelsea Peretti will grace the stage. (superdeluxe.com, Variety SHAC)

A regular at many impressive comedy clubs above and below 14th Street, the eloquent Matt Ruby. (host of Flying Carpet)

The director of the world-famous Totally J/K videos “Lunchtime” and “Explain that Face,” our good friend Oren Brimer, will show us all why he gets paid to make youtubes.

Plus, there may be a another super-secret special guest, but I can’t tell you who it is. (Let’s just say it’ll be a Mo’Nique experience for everyone who comes!)

TOTALLY J/K
TONIGHT @ 8pm
Rififi: 332 E. 11th Street
$5/21+

I got asked to be the last-minute host for tonight’s Heeb Storytelling Session. It’s part of the Diamond Days Music Festival and will take place in a Polish church in Brooklyn. Or something? More info below.

Heeb Storytelling
Friday, July 20th
The Church of the Messiah: 129 Russell Street (between Nassau and Driggs)
Greenpoint, Brooklyn
7pm, $10

Hosted by: Joe Mande
Featuring: Gabe and Jenny, Max Silvestri, Adira Amram, and Esther Ku 

Invite Them Up
hosted by Eugene Mirman and Bobby Tisdale
Rififi: 332 E. 11th St., $5
Doors open at 8:40pm

Performing:
Brett Gelman
Rich Brooks
Joe Mande
Hannibal Buress
Reggie Watts
Leo Allen
and
MORE!

In case you missed it, this is the video Noah and I made for last night’s show. It’s madd stupid, son.

(more…)

Boring Girl: So, you’re a comedian?
Me: Yes.
Boring Girl: Well, I have a joke you could tell on stage sometime.
Me: I don’t know.
Boring Girl: Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Me: …
Boring Girl: Because he was feeling crumby. Haha.
Me: …
Boring Girl: What? Have you heard that one before?
Me: Yeah…but the punchline was different.
Boring Girl: Oh? What was your version?
Me: Why did Cookie go to the doctor?
Boring Girl: Why?
Me: Because her husband is Magic Johnson and he has A.I.D.S.
Boring Girl: …
Me: And it’s really important that she go to a doctor on a regular basis.
Boring Girl: …

At Monday night’s show, Noah and I showed a clip of NBC’s alternate broadcast of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, normally only seen in Hawaii and Alaska. It’s pretty interesting. Apparently, outside the continental 48, the show is more of a sitcom.

Personally, I think the show a lot more fun to watch this way.

Qandahar? Stillborn babies? Prayer in the writer’s room? THAT’S SHOWBIZ, BABY!

Later in that same very same episode, Matthew Perry (who plays the drug-addicted producer of the late-night sketch comedy show) tries to hire a rogue paramilitary group to go into Afghanistan and give the hostage takers ransom money in exchange for Tom’s brother and the two other soldiers.  

It’s just like real life! Lorne Michaels did the same thing when Black Hawk Down happened in Somalia. Totally saved Melanie Hutsell’s little brother.

Seriously, if this show gets picked up for a second season, they should just change the name to: Studio West Wing on the West Wing Strip.

Tonight I will be reading from my Maury Povich scrapbook at The Rejection Show’s season finale. It’s going to be a wonderful night.

Maury and me. The stuff of legends.

The Rejection Show: ‘Best of the Miscellaneous Rejections’ Vol. 1
Season Finale
Upright Citizens Brigade Theater
307 W. 26th St
8pm, $5
click here to reserve tickets

This weekend, as usual, I stayed in and watched re-runs of MTV’s newezt zketch comedy zhow: Nick Cannon Presents…Short Circuitz. If you don’t know what Short Circuitz iz, it’s a sketch comedy show hosted by Nick Cannon, who is not a comedian, featuring an ensemble cast of people who should kill themselves*. The result is maybe my favorite thing to watch on television.

The best thing about this show, aside from the celebrity cameos (Celebrity Fit Club host, Ant, to give one super gay example), is its groundbreaking usage of a new interactive feature called “View and Spew.” What View and Spew does is allow a viewer to watch an episode of Short Circuitz, and at the same time, email their comments to MTV about that Short Circuitz for the chance to have that comment posted on-screen in future broadcasts of that particular Short Circuitz! You know, VIEW and SPEW. Get it? Not only is View and Spew technology like a dream come true, it’s also like a paradigm shift in television history. Only if paradigm shifts went backwards and dreams were the opposite of what they actually are. 

Here are some personal favorites:

Truer words have never been spewed. (That sketch was about a white woman craving black cock.)

“Itz so funny wenn U put kittys in da micrawave, but den itz sooo sad!” - MasterBlastah

“I…just don’t like to think.”- phattee2005

Me too!!!

Nick Cannon’s talents: Getting TV shows, buying hoodies, and not getting aborted.

That last joke may have been a bit harsh. But not really, when you consider that Nick Cannon’s last music video was for a song called “Can I Live,” which is a ballad about how awesome he was at not getting aborted. Seriously. Here, watch it:

And, again, in Sims form:

 * = except for Katt Williams, who is a talent.

Want proof John McCain won’t ever be president? Watch him take orders from a snarky Jew:

SIT DOWN!

 I could watch that for hours.

I wonder if forty years ago, when the Vietcong were sticking bamboo shoots up his pee-hole, John McCain ever thought to himself:

“Someday, I’m going to make it back to America and run for president. First, I’ll work for years and years to become a well-liked and respected Senator, so that when I do eventually decide to run, I’ll be far and away the most qualified candidate in the field. THEN, for no logical reason, I’ll derail my campaign by being the most uncompromisingly dillusional proponent for a mismanaged urban war eerily similar to the one I’m being tortured in right now.”

I wonder if he thought that! I do!

Politics are hilarious.

The whole interview is here:

McCain =

= tragic irony

I’m doing shows here all week. (Right here, in front of the In-N-Out Burger in Sherman Oaks.)