Due to unfortunate recent events, I’ve decided to change the title of the play I’m currently writing. “Cyrano De Berniemac” will now be called “Cedrico De Entertainiac.”

Thank you.

So, I have this joke I sometimes tell where I say that Chamillionaire is my favorite rapper. This, of course, isn’t really true; I’ve only heard that one song of his (about filthy driving or whatever) and was not impressed. I say he’s my favorite because I really enjoy making fun of his name. Chamillionaire has to be the best (/worst) rap name ever. 

I still think he should call himself “Deepvoice Uglyface.”

(Sidenote: ”Lizard” is also the word rappers use for “lard.” As in: “You shouldn’t cook with lizard, son. That shit is full of lizzipids.”)

N*E*WAYZ!!! I was watching MTV this morning, which was playing music videos for some reason , and I happened to catch the new Chamillionaire video. I soon realized that the song features Slick Rick, who happens to actually be my favorite rapper. (Or, at least up there with Lil’ Wayne and Ghostface.) It was very exciting.

You may be asking, what happens when your pretend favorite rapper collaborates with your real favorite rapper?

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Thanks to all the people who came out to Totally J/K (and Crash Test) last night. It was certainly a Labor Day for the ages.

For those of you who missed it, Noah and I presented this incredibly topical and important video, entitled: “Bathroom Body Language.” Please enjoy…

Related video: “Teamwork”

Click here to watch a wacky local morning news team re-enact the Senator’s lewd conduct.

My three favorite things about the video:
1. The anchorman’s kooky familiarity with public bathroom gay sex etiquette.
2. The anchorwoman claiming she’s never seen a bathroom stall before.
3. The weatherman’s Indian man sandals.

Finally, we found out the answer to the question America’s been dying to know: Who impregnated that illiterate drug-addicted skank before she fatally overdosed on a thousand different kinds of painkillers?

And the winner is…THIS GUY!

JACKPOT!

Science is 99.99999% positive that Larry Birkhead, above, was the one who fucked a clinically sad, borderline retarded human being without a condom.

P-I-M-P. ($20 says she wasn’t even awake for it.)

Yesterday’s press conference–
Larry Birkhead: “WOOooOOoooOO! I’m going to Disneyworld!!!”
Reporter: “Is that the first place you plan on taking your daughter?”
Larry Birkhead: “Daughter?”

I’m just glad this guy wasn’t the father:

Because then this story would be sad.

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TGIF!

Anyone see the Prez do stand up the other night?

People in the audience:

“Haha! Why are we clapping?”

“Because the world is dying. Wooo!”

The internet <3's M.C. Rove

“It’s funny because he subjugates black people!”

“I know, riiiight? It’s, like, his job as a civil servant. LOL!”

Iraq = :’(

Hey, remember Hurricane Katrina? That was fucked up too. Right, Lil’ Wayne?

Eeeek! When did Lil’ Wayne become a poignant social commentator? Via underground mixtape, no less.

Lil’ Wayne is so Frank Rich right now. Also, he’s 6 months older than me. And the best rapper alive.

Best part of losing two Jaguars? Being 23 years old and having two Jaguars.

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