Oreos are delicious
Tuesday, July 15th, 2008In case you missed it, Noah Garfinkel and I were on The McLaughlin Group last Sunday.
Here’s the video:
Big ups to Matt James, our director and editor.
Archive for the 'Drunk' Category
Thursday nights are so Totally JK
Wednesday, March 26th, 2008If you are within 1000 miles of New York City, you should probably come to this:
I.T.U.R.I.P.
Thursday, February 28th, 2008Last night was the last Invite Them Up ever. Rififi was packed like I’d never seen it before. The crowd spilled out into the bar and then that crowd spilled out into the street. It really did feel like a Great White concert was about to go down, as Leo Allen noted.
Invite Them Up was my favorite (and thus the best) comedy show in New York City. I’m definitely going to miss it. One of the first things I got to do when I moved to New York was “30 seconds of stand up” at Invite Them Up. That was the portion of the show when host Bobby Tisdale would get everyone to chant a “30 seconds” song, a comedian would perform 30 seconds of stand up, and then everyone would chant the song again. That was it. Yet, despite how retarded it was, I was fucking terrified the first time Bobby asked me to do it. I was seriously more nervous for those 30 seconds than at any other point in my long and storied comedy career.
Anyway, as one would expect, the last 30 seconds of stand up of all time was great. Craig Baldo and DJ Blue turned Bobby’s chant into an amazing hiphop/samba/techno song. And as it played, more and more people were jumping on stage to dance. By the end, it looked like some sort of East Village Senor Frogs up in that piece.
Here’s the song:
Also, just so everyone knows, Rififi isn’t closing…yet. So you should still all come to Totally JK every week until it does.
Cheeseburger with a toomer
Monday, January 7th, 2008Everyone knows that I’ve been a sports fan my entire life. So it should come as no surprise that I’ve spent my last two Saturday nights going to historic athletic events. On Saturday, Dec. 29th, I was in attendance Giants Stadium as The New England Patriots completed their perfect season by defeating the New York Giants 38-35 in one of the most exciting football games ever played.
Then, this past Saturday, I was in attendance at Madison Square Garden to see the Profession Bull Riders Versus Invitational. It was announced that, for the first time in the history of “all western sport,” the competitors were given the chance to actually choose which bull he’d ride later that night. (First of all, about that, …what? How is it at all possible this was the first time cowboys chose their bull? Were all rodeos prior to 2008 decided with an Ouija board? An officiated game of Oogie Cookie? Also, was it really necessary to bring the Hemispheres into it?)
Both events were a triumph. Someone asked me which one was better, and I really didn’t what to say. Sure, the Patriots game was more celebrated in the liberal Jew-run media, but the NYC rodeo was pretty amazing as well. So, because I believe in science, I decided to match them up:
All 2008 be doin’ is trimmin’!
Thursday, January 3rd, 2008Happy br’08, everyone. Hope you all had a pleasant and familial holiday season, full of joy and life lessons. Myself, I learned that baby-back ribs do NOT work as a New Year’s hangover remedy. (You just compound your headache with so much diarrhea.)
We’re three days into ‘08 already, and I’m happy to say that I’m staying good on my New Years resolutions, which were:
1. Never leave my apartment, no matter what.
2. Get so fat and also sad.
3. Get real-life gang members to leave comments on my blog.
4. Consider becoming a Hispanic person.
So far so good. A result of resolutions #1 and #2, I’m back to my old habit of watching a lot of Maury. And, as a result of watching a lot of Maury, I was introduced to–and soon fell in love with–an enormous black woman named Yolanda. I don’t want to give anything away, but just know that Yolanda is the new Monique.
It’s one thing to go on Maury. It’s an entirely different thing to go on Maury and test out your stand-up routine. (The best part is when Tahrey goes, “That was funny. That was funny. I’ll give you that.”)
Also, this commercial is on all the time and it’s great and I think I’m Hispanic now?
Brett Gelman is Jesus (Cat [Superstar])
Tuesday, October 30th, 2007Wow. Ok. So, last night’s show was insane. Thanks so much to everyone who came out. “Magical” is the only word to describe what happened. Lives were changed.
If you missed the show, please let me first tell you how sorry I am that your parents died (for that’s the only reason I can think of for not coming). Here’s a short re-cap: Noah and I showed our audition tape for the upcoming Notorious B.I.G. movie, Gabe and Jenny told a hilarious haunted Hollywood Halloween tale, Max Silvestri wined n’ dined the crowd with his patented jokes n’ quipstm, and, as always, Greg Johnson crushed. Oh, also, Brett Gelman put on the single most amazing performance done by any human being on any stage anywhere. (No hyperbole.) The man got a standing ovation. At Rififi.
I recorded Brett’s performance with my iPod. You know, just for myself to have and hold and cherish. I listened to the mp3 on the train this morning, and, despite the fact that the sound quality is quite terrible, it still made me snarf coffee all over myself twice. Because of this, I have decided to share the 1000 Cats mp3 with the rest of the world. No matter how shitty it sounds.
Obviously, the grainy, cavernous audio doesn’t do 1000 Cats justice at all. Not even 1/1000th of 1% of its justice. But, it’s the best I can do…and apparently the best that you could do too.
So, here. Enjoy.
You’re welcome.
Hey, Boston! Come to this!
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007Noah and I are coming to Boston tomorrow to participate in a Vice Magazine/Dewar’s Scotch Debate. The topic will be ”Meat vs. Veggie.” It should be really fun. We will be very hip and very drunk. So, if you live in Massachusetts and love me and/or Noah, and/or fake debates, and/or free comedy, and/or free booze, you should come check it out.
A poster:
Do we get a medallion for this?
Wednesday, September 19th, 2007Last week, Max Silvestri and I made a viral video spoofing the important VH1 reality show The Pick Up Artist. Needless to say, the youtube was a sensation that swept the internet like a monsoon of chocolate rain yelling “Leave Britney alone!!!”
Anyway, the effect of our video was more powerful than even Max and I could have imagined (which is crazy, because we both imagined the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences creating the category “Best YouTube” just so they could give us an Oscar for our work).
Anyway anyway, you should seriously go to Max’s blog immediately to check out the email that PUA contestant Joe D* wrote to us regarding the video. It’s pretty much the best non-Maury Povich thing to ever happen to me.
* = a.k.a. “The Glamorous Pig,” as my GF lovingly refers to him.
Way better than my artist’s interpretation
Wednesday, August 29th, 2007Click here to watch a wacky local morning news team re-enact the Senator’s lewd conduct.
My three favorite things about the video:
1. The anchorman’s kooky familiarity with public bathroom gay sex etiquette.
2. The anchorwoman claiming she’s never seen a bathroom stall before.
3. The weatherman’s Indian man sandals.
COLLEGE!
Wednesday, August 1st, 2007The official trailer for Yeti: A Love Story came out today.
So. Fucking. Embarrassing.
I seriously want to kill myself after watching that. But, if I did, my participation in that movie would be the last thing I ever got onto IMDB. And, therefore, I must carry on.
Here’s the description that went along with it:
It’s “King Kong” meets “Brokeback Mountain” in “Yeti: A Love Story”, a gay themed horror-comedy about a homicidal and wildly homosexual mountain yeti!
Me: “Seriously, Dad, just because I’m in a movie about a gay bigfoot who rapes boys in the woods, that doesn’t make me gay.”
My Dad: “…”
Me: “I don’t even get raped in the movie. I get shot in stomach as I run through the woods in my underwear.”
My Dad: “…”
Me: “To get away from the gay bigfoot!”
My sincerest congratulations to Adam and E-Rock for getting national distribution on Yeti. I just wish you guys would please go back and pixelate my face out.
 |
|
Joe Mande is proudly powered by WordPress Entries (RSS) and Comments (RSS). All material © Joe Mande |