This Thursday, I will be taking part in two very exciting shows. The first one, “Workdays with Maury,” is at 6:30 pm at the UCB Theater. It’s a little thing I wrote about my adventures working as an unpaid intern at The Maury Povich Show. It’s sort of trial run, so this may or may not be the only time I perform it.

Then at 8:00 pm, as always, I will be hosting Totally JK at Rififi with my friend Noah Garfinkel.

My real friends will make it to both of these.

At the stroke of midnight this morning, I turned 25 years old. Less than an hour later, at 12:39 am, I got this Happy Birthday email from a girl named Arieana:

(Subject: “i dont lik it”)

um joe i dont lik it that u r puttin diferent stuff on people lik dat. dat aint right and u kno if somebody wouldnt did dat 2 u u wouldnt lik dat. im pissed u shouldnt even be thinkin about dat s***.

ya mama,

luk at yo ugly a**

Thank you? Wait…what? I’m confused. I wouldn’t did dad what 2 whom?

Whatever. I love you too.

Ya mama,

Joe Mande