Earlier this afternoon, singer R. Kelly was found not guilty on all 14 charges of his child pornography case.

GULP! You know this verdict means? KID RIOTS!!!

When asked what he planned to do now that he is legally vindicated, R. Kelly told journalists, “I’m going to Disney World! No, seriously. I’m going to Disney World and taking a leak on all those lil’ motherf*ckers!”

(There. I did it. You’re welcome for that timely reference.)

In an attempt to solve a large shortfall in the state budget, legislatures in California are trying to put a tax on pornography. According to the article I read, this is the reason they think the tax will work:

“Many economists believe that pornography is an industry with inelastic demand — meaning market conditions typically don’t affect consumers’ desire for the product.”

“Inelastic demand.” Really? Inelastic? As in, hard? As in, the demand for porn is always hard? Gross.

“In other words, it is believed that most porn consumers would continue to buy regardless of how much it cost.”

Really? Let’s ask a porn consumer how he feels about the California porn tax:

(Classic Mande .gif!)

I wonder how Arnold Schwarzenegger came up the porn tax idea…

That man is a governor.

The official trailer for Yeti: A Love Story came out today.

So. Fucking. Embarrassing.

I seriously want to kill myself after watching that. But, if I did, my participation in that movie would be the last thing I ever got onto IMDB. And, therefore, I must carry on.

Here’s the description that went along with it:

It’s “King Kong” meets “Brokeback Mountain” in “Yeti: A Love Story”, a gay themed horror-comedy about a homicidal and wildly homosexual mountain yeti!

Me: “Seriously, Dad, just because I’m in a movie about a gay bigfoot who rapes boys in the woods, that doesn’t make me gay.”
My Dad: “…”
Me: “I don’t even get raped in the movie. I get shot in stomach as I run through the woods in my underwear.”  
My Dad: “…”
Me: “To get away from the gay bigfoot!”

My sincerest congratulations to Adam and E-Rock for getting national distribution on Yeti. I just wish you guys would please go back and pixelate my face out.