Archive for the 'Heartbreak' Category

I.T.U.R.I.P.

Thursday, February 28th, 2008

Last night was the last Invite Them Up ever. Rififi was packed like I’d never seen it before. The crowd spilled out into the bar and then that crowd spilled out into the street. It really did feel like a Great White concert was about to go down, as Leo Allen noted.

Invite Them Up was my favorite (and thus the best) comedy show in New York City. I’m definitely going to miss it. One of the first things I got to do when I moved to New York was “30 seconds of stand up” at Invite Them Up. That was the portion of the show when host Bobby Tisdale would get everyone to chant a “30 seconds” song, a comedian would perform 30 seconds of stand up, and then everyone would chant the song again. That was it. Yet, despite how retarded it was, I was fucking terrified the first time Bobby asked me to do it. I was seriously more nervous for those 30 seconds than at any other point in my long and storied comedy career.

Anyway, as one would expect, the last 30 seconds of stand up of all time was great. Craig Baldo and DJ Blue turned Bobby’s chant into an amazing hiphop/samba/techno song. And as it played, more and more people were jumping on stage to dance. By the end, it looked like some sort of East Village Senor Frogs up in that piece.

Here’s the song:

Also, just so everyone knows, Rififi isn’t closing…yet. So you should still all come to Totally JK every week until it does.

Be a part of history! Twice!

Friday, February 1st, 2008

1.

2.

Do your part! Thanks!

10/26 was an inside job

Friday, October 26th, 2007

Paul Wellstone. 5 years dead today.

wellstone.gif

The Sandy Koufax of politicians. (Sandy Koufax sang “La Bamba,” right?)

Addendum:

Falling Down

Monday, October 22nd, 2007

Michael Douglas’ son, Cameron Douglas, is facing charges for felony drug possession.

douglas.jpg

Eek. See what drugs do to you, kids? They make you look like a younger, sadder, more-Frankensteiny version of your movie star father.

If you ask me, none of this would have happened if Michael Douglas were around more for his son as young boy, to kind-of-but-not-really make pancakes for him and whatnot.

Say goodbye to scarf meat

Thursday, August 23rd, 2007

Dick Clark finally put an end to the ongoing retarded lesbian fox dance saga. I got this email late last night:

 I Violated Dick Clark

Rest in peace, you ridiculous .mov file. The internet will never be the same.  

So You Think You Can Dance Like A Baby Fox?
8.16.2007 - 8.22.2007

A Beloved YouTube
Misunderstood by Most
Favorited by Many
Murdered by Haggard Stroke Victim

Go rub some bachelor balls, lady!

Thursday, August 2nd, 2007

Faith Hill calmly confronts a female fan who groped her husband, Tim McGraw, mid-concert:

Uhm, I think that’s called “Southern Hospitality.” Ever heard of it?

And while we’re on the topic, my friend Nick just sent me the new Brad Paisley music video, for song called “Online.” It’s truly amazing.

Did you know that if you mix country music with modern technology, you get a very sad version of Seinfeld

COLLEGE!

Wednesday, August 1st, 2007

The official trailer for Yeti: A Love Story came out today.

So. Fucking. Embarrassing.

I seriously want to kill myself after watching that. But, if I did, my participation in that movie would be the last thing I ever got onto IMDB. And, therefore, I must carry on.

Here’s the description that went along with it:

It’s “King Kong” meets “Brokeback Mountain” in “Yeti: A Love Story”, a gay themed horror-comedy about a homicidal and wildly homosexual mountain yeti!

Me: “Seriously, Dad, just because I’m in a movie about a gay bigfoot who rapes boys in the woods, that doesn’t make me gay.”
My Dad: “…”
Me: “I don’t even get raped in the movie. I get shot in stomach as I run through the woods in my underwear.”  
My Dad: “…”
Me: “To get away from the gay bigfoot!”

My sincerest congratulations to Adam and E-Rock for getting national distribution on Yeti. I just wish you guys would please go back and pixelate my face out.

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 24th, 2007

Bear’s a fake!??!!?! This can’t be true!

Bear lied to me

Seriously, I feel like crying. Between this and the possibility that Lil’ Wayne might face years behind bars for some lame-ass gun charge, today has been like a mini-Kristallnacht for me.

By the way, until Bear’s been proven innocent of these slanderous charges, I’m moving Man vs. Wild down to second place on my list of favorite TV shows, thus giving The Wire the number one spot. (I have a dream where these two shows somehow intertwine and Bear has to find his way safely out of West Baltimore using only a water bottle, a flint, and his knowledge of the crack game. I’d call it: Man vs. Wild N’ Out.)