Michael Douglas’ son, Cameron Douglas, is facing charges for felony drug possession.

Eek. See what drugs do to you, kids? They make you look like a younger, sadder, more-Frankensteiny version of your movie star father.

If you ask me, none of this would have happened if Michael Douglas were around more for his son as young boy, to kind-of-but-not-really make pancakes for him and whatnot.

Marijuana makes you go coo-coo! Look!

Yo! Dr. Sanjay Gupta iz on dat ILL SHIT, son! 

What did they ‘analyze’ for this study? The ‘weedjamz’  playlist on my ipod?

I mean, it sure looks like it. Check out the report:

“Our findings suggest that the source of most marijuana-induced psychosis comes from smoking that Bin Laden weed (a strain of ’straight killah’ weed from Chicago, said to be comprised of three different kinds of weed all grown together). It can cause one to panic, become disorientated, and have holograms to begin flashing in front of one’s face (and shit).
These symptoms should not be confused with those of Blueberry Yum Yum, which is known to make one start singing melodies one never thought one wooooooouuuuuuuld, as well as make one skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet, and eat snacks, snacks, snacks, snacks, snacks. 
Finally, there is Sex Weed. As we all know, this is weed that is so potent, smoking it makes one feel as though one is having sex. (It may also mean sex that is so good it reminds one of smoking weed. Maybe? I dont know. I still can’t figure that one out at all.)”

Yeah, that’s right, that medical report had hilarious youtube hyperlinks (and way to many parentheticals) in it. So what? Just chill out and enjoy it. Chill out!

(Look, I’m sorry. I’m still really upset about Bear lying to me. I should be back to normal next week.)