Late last night, I was alone in my living room gathering star bits, when I received this email regarding something I wrote about Michael Douglas’ fucked up son last October.

Dear Joe:
I think what you posted about Michael Douglas’s son is really awful and that it would be cool of you to take down those comments on the mug shot at least. I love comedy, but that is really practically heartless. We don’t really know whose drugs those were and it’s not fair to judge someone so harshly. If they really are his drugs and he is on drugs, then he is probably at rock bottom and comments like yours could be what push him over the edge. He had an uncle who died of a drug overdose and this things is really a family tragedy and no laughing matter. It is so easy to make fun of people when they’re down, and not any sort of sign of comedic skill.

Will you please take it down? It would say a lot about you…
[Redacted]

Dear [Redacted],

Thank you for the email. I’m sad to say I cannot take that post down for you. Mostly because I don’t know how to do that. I’m sorry. But, please know that I do respect and understand your concerns. We live in a society where Hollywood fuckups are innocent until proven guilty. One shouldn’t rush to judgment, especially if one writes such an important and influential “blog” as joemande.com. (barf)

Therefore, what I decided to do for you is go back and fix the mugshot in question. I sincerely hope this helps Cameron Douglas not kill himself.

You’re welcome. Best of luck.

Apparently the Lil Wayne and Zac Efron story is a fake, thus making Exhibit B in my “Lil Wayne v. Sanity” case unusable. Faulty evidence. I’m a little embarrassed that I fell for it, actually. It was obviously overdone, but I wanted it to be true so badly that I rushed to judgment. I should have known better. (But, in my defense, it wasn’t THAT hard to believe, considering the dude has a real life man crush on Robin Thicke.)

After some long self-flagellation/deliberation I decided not to erase yesterday’s post, because I still think my one-act play should be made.

My deepest apologies.

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