At the stroke of midnight this morning, I turned 25 years old. Less than an hour later, at 12:39 am, I got this Happy Birthday email from a girl named Arieana:

(Subject: “i dont lik it”)

um joe i dont lik it that u r puttin diferent stuff on people lik dat. dat aint right and u kno if somebody wouldnt did dat 2 u u wouldnt lik dat. im pissed u shouldnt even be thinkin about dat s***.

ya mama,

luk at yo ugly a**

Thank you? Wait…what? I’m confused. I wouldn’t did dad what 2 whom?

Whatever. I love you too.

Ya mama,

Joe Mande