(No homo, obvzzzz) We were lucky to get out of that dungeon with our lives.

I saw this flier on a mailbox in Manhattan yesterday:

This is me talking to the Cheer New York dudes:

“Hey, Cheer New York. Who are you guys? No, what I mean is, what are you cheering for? Are you just rooting for New York City? Like, in general? Because, I mean, that’s great. I love the enthusiasm. But you know guys, New York City was doing just fine before you decided to start cheering for it. In fact, we already had t-shirts made.

Why are you looking at me like that, Highkick?

You’re making me nervous. Stop it.

I feel like I’m missing something. Does the word “cheer” have some other connotation I’m not familiar with? Is that code for something? Did you think I wanted to be cheered for? Or cheered on? Because no. Definitely not.

What does that mean? I’ve never cheered in my life. Seriously, I haven’t! And I’m certainly not, like, a cheerleader.

No no no no. Now you’re misunderstanding me. I’m not making any judgments. You guys do what you want. I fully support the right to cheer. In my opinion, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with two (or more) consenting adults cheering for/on/in each other in the privacy of their own homes. Personally, I just don’t cheer. To be honest, I hardly show much exuberance for anything. But that’s just how I was born. I’m not saying you shouldn’t cheer. I’m saying that when you do cheer, cheer safely. You don’t want to live the rest of your life regretting one crazy night of thoughtless irresponsible cheering.”

Good luck, Cheer New York. One day soon all of New York will be cheering for you. (No homo.)

My friend Kyle Weber made this. It’s retarded.

Apparently the Lil Wayne and Zac Efron story is a fake, thus making Exhibit B in my “Lil Wayne v. Sanity” case unusable. Faulty evidence. I’m a little embarrassed that I fell for it, actually. It was obviously overdone, but I wanted it to be true so badly that I rushed to judgment. I should have known better. (But, in my defense, it wasn’t THAT hard to believe, considering the dude has a real life man crush on Robin Thicke.)

After some long self-flagellation/deliberation I decided not to erase yesterday’s post, because I still think my one-act play should be made.

My deepest apologies.

PS:

PPS:

Paul Wellstone. 5 years dead today.

The Sandy Koufax of politicians. (Sandy Koufax sang “La Bamba,” right?)

Addendum:

Sometimes, when it’s gross and rainy outside, I search for an up-tempo and inspirational youtube to help get me through the day. Today I think I hit the jackpot.

Wow. So good. Like, SOOOOOO good. I can’t handle how good it is. Seriously, 2:52-2:56 of that video rivals Little Superstar’s 0:36-0:41 for the funniest thing I’ve seen on the internets. Uhm, her face?

By a show of hands, who thought Evelyn Thomas was full-blown retarded?

Can we make this the new internet sensation? Please? God?

(Also, 1:33-1:40 and 2:03-2:04.)

Noah and I are coming to Boston tomorrow to participate in a Vice Magazine/Dewar’s Scotch Debate. The topic will be ”Meat vs. Veggie.” It should be really fun. We will be very hip and very drunk. So, if you live in Massachusetts and love me and/or Noah, and/or fake debates, and/or free comedy, and/or free booze, you should come check it out.

A poster:

(more…)

Thanks to all the people who came out to Totally J/K (and Crash Test) last night. It was certainly a Labor Day for the ages.

For those of you who missed it, Noah and I presented this incredibly topical and important video, entitled: “Bathroom Body Language.” Please enjoy…

Related video: “Teamwork”