Guess who just won a dinner for two at Chili’s???

To those of you who answered Jesse Jackon [sic] or Al Sharpton: I hope you enjoy your never-ending pasta bowls at The Olive Garden, you racists.

(Myspace is for retarded people.)

Political humor = being retarded and making fun of old people.

Here’s the newest video Noah and I made for 236.com:

As many of you know, I am a part-time political cartoonist.

So, anyway…last week I drew a picture that ended up on the cover of the New Yorker magazine. Maybe you heard about it on the news? It showed Barack Obama (dressed up like a sleepy Muslim) in the oval office (burning an American flag) giving ‘daps’ to his wife Michelle (who is dressed like a Black Panther and also Pam Grier). Some people took offense to it, but the New Yorker LOVED IT. So much so, that they asked me to make another cover for next week’s issue. I decided the best thing to do would be to show John McCain and his wife Cindy in the oval office as well. Only this time around, I decided to make a much more realistic portrait. I hope you like it!

In case you missed it, Noah Garfinkel and I were on The McLaughlin Group last Sunday.

Here’s the video:

Big ups to Matt James, our director and editor.

If you feel like it, why don’t you check out the weekly blog Noah Garfinkel and I are writing for Comedy Central? (I hope you love politics and/or an overabundance of embedded Red Lasso videos!)

Barack Obama clinched the Democratic Party’s nomination last night, which was sort of exciting. I guess. Though, for me, yesterday’s most newsworthy political story was this: George Lucas endorses Barack Obama. Do you know that means? Nothing. But, I bet so many Ron Paul supporters are feeling conflicted right now.

While in Japan promoting his new movie Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull that Belongs to an Alien, Yeah, That’s Right, This Movie is About Aliens, Don’t Worry, It’s Okay Because the Aliens Aren’t From Outer Space, But Rather the Space Between Spaces, Lucas told reporters:

“We have a hero in the making back in the United States today because we have a new candidate for president of the United States, Barack Obama…[Obama], for all of us that have dreams and hope, is a hero.”

He then added, “But get this…he HATES snakes!”

I hope the Obama campaign considers hiring George Lucas as an adviser. His genius would work well inside the realm of public service.

So, the other night I was watching this youtube of Keith Olbermann ranting about Hillary Clinton:

And, like an idiot, I totally left my webcam on:

(Big ups to Friend #3116)

In an attempt to solve a large shortfall in the state budget, legislatures in California are trying to put a tax on pornography. According to the article I read, this is the reason they think the tax will work:

“Many economists believe that pornography is an industry with inelastic demand — meaning market conditions typically don’t affect consumers’ desire for the product.”

“Inelastic demand.” Really? Inelastic? As in, hard? As in, the demand for porn is always hard? Gross.

“In other words, it is believed that most porn consumers would continue to buy regardless of how much it cost.”

Really? Let’s ask a porn consumer how he feels about the California porn tax:

(Classic Mande .gif!)

I wonder how Arnold Schwarzenegger came up the porn tax idea…

That man is a governor.

The winning horse was a massive thoroughbred named “Big Brown.” Big Brown won the race quite convincingly, by a measure of nearly 5 lengths.

Earlier that day, Presidential candidate Barack Obama chose Big Brown to be the winner.

The runner-up in the Derby was a female horse named “Eight Belles.” Despite an impressive and gutsy performance, Eight Belles could only muster a distant second place finish. Also, immediately afterwards, she had to be euthanized on the track because of a fatal injury incurred during the race.

Earlier that day, Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton chose Eight Belles to be the winner.

(There were also 18 other horses in the race, but metaphorically speaking, none of them really matter.)

OMG U GUYZ!! Alicia Keys finally came out of the closet! The Black Panther closet! Because she’s a Black Panther.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that!!!

I mean, it’s great. Good for her. It takes a lot of courage to say publicly, “Look, I think the government was behind the assassinations of Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G and that white people created ‘gangsta rap’ as a ploy to get young black men to kill each other. And I’ve felt these feelings ever since I was a little girl!”

Crazy. I totally didn’t expect this announcement. I mean, she doesn’t really look like a Black Panther, does she? In my opinion, Alicia Keys looks more like a white girl who just got back from a long spring break in Cancun.

Also, she’s a lesbian.