Considering that 95% of my website is about how much I love Lil’ Wayne and how much I hate Hillary Clinton, it’s pretty clear that my two favorite non-pizza things in this world are hip-hop music and American politics. Nothing makes me more excited when these two things come together.

This story just hit the wires and it’s great:

Really 50? You can’t make up your mind?

I guess you don’t really have to be loyal to any one specific candidate when you’re…a convicted felon. He’s a felon, right? Isn’t that his “thing”? He better be! That’s why I bought his first album.

This is the best sentence in the article:

After hearing Obama’s stunning speech on race in America earlier this month, the rapper pulled what is now commonly known in political circles as a “Bill Richardson.”

Exactly. For those of you who don’t know, pulling a “Bill Richardson” is when you buy a bunch of stock in Vitamin Water, get caught snorting coke on Croatian television, and then grow an embarrassing beard.

50 Cent is the worst. I’d totally tell him that to his face.

Look, you guys! I just made this:

April fools! (I’m not that good at Garageband!)

Late last night, I was alone in my living room gathering star bits, when I received this email regarding something I wrote about Michael Douglas’ fucked up son last October.

Dear Joe:
I think what you posted about Michael Douglas’s son is really awful and that it would be cool of you to take down those comments on the mug shot at least. I love comedy, but that is really practically heartless. We don’t really know whose drugs those were and it’s not fair to judge someone so harshly. If they really are his drugs and he is on drugs, then he is probably at rock bottom and comments like yours could be what push him over the edge. He had an uncle who died of a drug overdose and this things is really a family tragedy and no laughing matter. It is so easy to make fun of people when they’re down, and not any sort of sign of comedic skill.

Will you please take it down? It would say a lot about you…
[Redacted]

Dear [Redacted],

Thank you for the email. I’m sad to say I cannot take that post down for you. Mostly because I don’t know how to do that. I’m sorry. But, please know that I do respect and understand your concerns. We live in a society where Hollywood fuckups are innocent until proven guilty. One shouldn’t rush to judgment, especially if one writes such an important and influential “blog” as joemande.com. (barf)

Therefore, what I decided to do for you is go back and fix the mugshot in question. I sincerely hope this helps Cameron Douglas not kill himself.

You’re welcome. Best of luck.

Who needs waterboarding when all you need are pastels?

That video was so funny to me, I couldn’t help but use it as fodder for my latest project, a comic strip called “Jailthyme.”

This was yesterday’s: