One of my favorite TV shows is, has been, and will forever be the weekly late-night syndicated program Showtime at the Apollo. I can’t explain why I love this show so much, but I really do. (Some would say it’s because I exoticize Black culture, but whatevz.)
One of the best parts of the show (other than seeing legends like Jim Jones or Yung Joc perform LIVE!) is, of course, the “Amateur Night” talent show. This is the portion where the Apollo Theater audience decides if an unprofessional performer is good enough to not get booed off the stage. At times the crowd can be a little trigger-happy with their eliminations, but their judgement is usually always correct. (It should be noted, however, that gospel singers have never, and will never get booed off. Oh, and dancers always win. Always.)
Despite all this, my favorite part of the show still has to be the “Apollo Kids” portion at the end. This is when super-talented little kids take the stage and give it everything they got. More often than not, they are much more impressive than the adults. Whenever I watched it, though, I always wondered what would happen if a kid was truly terrible? Like, what if a little girl got up there and just started murdering a classic? The whole time thinking she was super fucking amazing? Would the crowd do the right thing? Would they find it in their hearts to knock the little girl down to size? Would they boo her with the same wonderful viciousness they give a talentless adult, even if that means she’ll probably end up becoming a cutter?
Well, it turns out the anwser is a big, fat NEGATIVE.
In fact, the crowd does the opposite. They encourage the kid to make an insane spectacle of herself and end up giving her a standing ovation at the end. (While clutching a bunny rag doll the whole time?)
So, without further ado, please allow me to present the best/worst Apollo Kids performance in history:
PS: Her face.
