Hillary KKKlinton
Wednesday, January 9th, 2008Proving racism still exists in America, New Hampshire voters made Hillary Clinton the surprise winner of last night’s primary, over Barack the Black Abe Lincoln. Pollsters and pundits had assumed all day long that Obama would carry the state because of the record turnout. But, it turns out the turnout preferred the more experienced Democratic candidate, who campaigns on a promise to use her barfy witch face to bring about certain doom and damnation upon the entire world.
Sorry, was “barfy witch face” too harsh? Explain this, then:
If she’s really the candidate of change, maybe she should change her FAAAACE!
Seriously though, I wonder if New Hampshirers were told they were voting in a Presidential EEEEEK-lection.
Whatever. I suppose it is exciting to see democracy in action, not matter what the results may be. At least the young Clinton supporters seem like an intelligent and caring bunch. It’s not like they’re the type of people who would emphatically cheer for poor Americans trying, and failing, to go to college and failing to achieve their dreams.
A vote for Clinton is a vote for PLIPPS.
A man with a bookshelf–A BOOK SHELF–to bear.
Wednesday, December 19th, 2007Alright. Alright. I admit it. I’m back on the Huckabee bandwagon.
Last week I said I was voting for Tom Tancredo (who I still think is the most qualified and best looking of all the candidates), but right now it doesn’t look like his campaign has much of a chance, which is a shame because he seems to be the only person running who knows the danger of Mexican Jihadists who like to go on shopping mall rampages.
Huckabee, meanwhile, is surging and looking more and more presidential everyday. And by “presidential” I mean “like a deflated tire.” (If Huckabee wins, it’ll be just like my screenplay President Thinner, which was an unauthorized sequel to Steven King’s Thinner combined with a retelling of the 1995 classic The American President.) I’ll listen to any candidate who has overcome morbid obesity. I’ll consider anyone in favor of AIDS colonies. And I’ll fucking endorse any man with a fat ugly son who likes to lynch stray dogs in the woods at Boy Scout camp.
This is a picture of Fat Mike Huckabee next to Skinny Mike Huckabee:
And here’s one of Skinny Mike Huckabee next to a sea turtle:
I really love the new campaign ad from Huckabee. Some people say he’s trying to subliminally use Christian religious symbolism, but I don’t see it.
I have no idea what you’re talking about. There’s nothing creepily religious about that at all.
Here’s Mike Huckabee on MSNBC addressing the “floating cross” controversy:
Mike Huckabee:
“It is a bookshelf people. A. Book. Shelf…Actually, what you didn’t catch was with my eyes I was signaling…a very secret code to all the Evangelicals out there.”
Actually, Governor Thiiiiinnennneeeeeerrrrrrrr, I did catch that.
Totally JK tonight
Monday, October 15th, 2007I’m back from my vacation, people! I think I got tan and fat. Also, I’m happy to report that my stress-induced bald spot has started to grown back in! So, now it just looks like I have ringworm on my head!
Come to the show tonight and see for yourself!
TOTALLY JK with Joe and Noah
TONIGHT!
Rififi: 332 E. 11th Street
8pm/$5/21+
with…
Hannibal
Dan Cartwright
Claudia Cogan
John Kneffel
and the music of Jim Hanft
Totally JK tonight
Monday, October 1st, 2007Great show tonight to celebrate it being FDDDM Day (First Day in a Double Digit Month Day). You should come! Info below:
